


You Are My Heaven

by ViolaQuartermaine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, First Time, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-04
Updated: 2015-05-04
Packaged: 2018-03-28 22:24:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3871957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ViolaQuartermaine/pseuds/ViolaQuartermaine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean hasn't been acting the same since their trip to Heaven. Sam finally forces him to talk about it and the discussion evolves into a lot more. Title comes from the song by Ron Pope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Are My Heaven

"I think we just made it. It's really coming down out there," Sam said as he shut the motel room door. Dean flopped down on one of the beds and kicked his boots off. He stretched out with his hands behind his head and shut his eyes. Sam took the hint that his brother wasn't in the mood for talking. Dean's silence had become all too familiar in recent weeks but Sam still wasn't sure how to deal with it. He put his bag down on the other bed and moved into the bathroom to take a shower.  


Ten minutes later Sam emerged from the bathroom wearing sweatpants and pulling a teeshirt over his head. Dean's eyes were now open and he gazed at his brother's shirtless chest. He caught a glimpse of a scar on his abdomen.  


"You still have that scar." Dean said.  


"Well we can't all have an angel wipe our skin clean" Sam replied.  


Dean was silent, not happy with the reminder of Castiel's rescue, and therefore his time in Hell. Sam immeditely felt bad having mentioned it. He knew how hard Dean was trying to move forward, and he knew from sharing a room with him night after night that he still had nightmares. Dean got up and went to the mini fridge to grab a beer. He wordlessly opened it and downed it in seemingly one swallow. He set the empty bottle on the table and moved to get another. He stopped with his hand on fridge door, turned and sat back down on the bed.  


Having watched all of this and sensing the tension, Sam tried to change the subject. "Do you remember the night I got that scar?" Sam asked. "Dad and I had gotten in a huge fight, and after he stormed out you snuck me a couple of beers"  


"And you got drunk and stumbled into the dresser and cut yourself," Dean finished. "You were bleeding like a stuck pig. I knew he was going to be so pissed when he got back, and you just kept begging me to blame it all on you. Eventually after I cleaned you up you passed out snuggled up with my jacket."  


Sam frowned, "I did? How do you remember that?"  


Dean let out a long sigh and shook his head. "Because I remember everything when it comes to you. Sometimes I can't remember what I had for breakfast, or the name of the girl I fucked the night before, but when it comes to you, everything is seared into my memory. I wish it wasn't. Believe me, I wish to god that it wasn't."  


Dean sighed again and rubbed his forehead with his hands. He was clearly getting upset, and while Sam didn't want to see him this way, he wanted Dean to tell him how he was feeling. It was such a rare occassion that his older brother talked about his emotions, and in light of recent events he knew it was important that they have this conversation.  


"Dean I.."  


Dean cut him off, "Look I know I've been pretty distant lately, but you have to see things from my point of view. From the time Dad placed you in my arms you've basically been the center of my universe. I had to protect you and watch over you. But it was more than that. I didn't just do it because I was supposed to. I wanted to do it. I needed to do it. It wasn't easy, but the times that you smiled at me and thanked me for something little, like letting you have the last oreo, or cleaning you up the night you got that scar, those made it worth the pain. Why do you think it was so hard for me to relive those nights that you considered your Heaven?" Dean spat out the word. "I've spent my whole life worrying about you, taking care of you, loving you, and your fondest memories are the times you got away from me! Sam do you know what it's like to care about someone more than anything else and to not only have them leave you but to find out they consider it the happiest moment of their life? It's excruciatating. I had to watch you leave me all over again, only this time it was worse, because I knew how happy you were to get away."  


Sam watched as Dean choked back a sob. He hated seeing his brother upset, even more so knowing it was his fault. He sat down next to him.  


"Dean," Sam began "It was never about leaving you. I was never happy about that. I needed to get away, but it wasn't from you. It was from Dad, and hunting, and the constant fighting. You were the only reason I stayed as long as I did. I missed you every day that I was gone."  


Sam paused to let this sink in. "Being without you is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. When you made your crossroads deal to bring me back and I lost you, I lost everything. So I tried whatever I could to get you back, because I had nothing left to lose. And even though part of me knew you'd want me to move on, I didn't want to live in a world that didn't have you in it. And then one day there you were, knocking on my hotel room door. I thought my heart would literally explode with happiness. That moment I felt like everything else could fade away and life would be perfect." Sam swallowed and continued. "But I screwed up. Everything with Ruby and the demon blood, and...that night you found me in the honeymoon suite. I just.." Sam dissolved into tears.  


Dean looked at Sam, wanting to reassure him, tell him that everything was going to be ok, anything just to make him stop hurting. "Sam," he began tentitivly, "It wasn't your fault. Not completely. You hit rock bottom when I was gone. I probably would have done the same thing. Maybe by the time I got back it was just too late. You were too far gone."  
"Don't make excuses for me Dean. That night you gave me a choice. I should have chosen you. Plain and simple. I walked away from the only person who has always been there for me and I destroyed the most important thing in my life. I destroyed you."  


They sat in silence for a few moments before Sam spoke again. "And even then, you gave me another chance. I knew it wasn't going to be the same, it couldn't be. But I was going to try my damndest to get you to trust me again. And then..." Sam trailed off.  


"We went to Heaven" Dean finished.  


"We went to Heaven, and you saw those memories, and I saw what it did to you. The look in your eyes...god, I wanted so badly to just erase them all so you wouldn't feel any more pain. But the damage was done. I knew that. Then we got back and Cas showed up."  


"And he brought my necklace back. Said it was worthless."  


"I never wanted anything as much as I wanted you to tell him he was wrong. For you to put it back on and smile at me like you did when I gave it to you that Christmas. But you didn't. Dean, when you dropped it into that trash can, that was the worst moment of my life. I thought you dying was the worst thing that could ever happen to me. But to have you alive and seeing you walk out on me, that's 100 times worse. I knew then that you didn't love me anymore."  


Dean had kept his head down most of this time, tears running silently down his face. At Sam's last words he looked up. "Sammy I never stopped loving you. Hell I don't know if it's even possible. I think it'd be easier for me to stop breathing than to stop loving you. You're a part of me. You always have been. Even when I wanted so hard to let you go I never could, because you were still in here," Dean said pointing at his heart.  


Sam smiled, still crying, wondering how he had gotten so lucky to deserve Dean's undying devotion. Dean reached out and wiped a tear off Sam's cheek. " Come on Sammy, you wanna go get a beer or some pie?"  


"Not yet." Sam reached into his pocket and pulled something out. Before he even opened his hand Dean knew what was inside.  


"My Samulet."  


"What?" Sam said looking suprised.  


"Well it's an amulet. And you gave it to me. So it's a Samulet. I kind of thought it was cute."  


"It's just not like you to act cutesy and sentimental."  


"What can I say? You bring out out my soft side I guess. Have you just been carrying this around with you?" Dean inquired  


"Cas thought it was stupid too. He saw me pick it up, and I knew he thought I was being an idiot. But I was just hoping that one day you'd want it back. That you'd want me back."  


"It's not stupid. I'm glad you kept it. It means a lot to me that you didn't give up."  


Sam licked his lips, "So, do you want to...can I put it on you?"  


"Sure Sam."  


Sam lifted the cord over his brother's head. As the pendant touched Dean's chest Sam let his hand rest there. Dean put his hand on top of Sam's and gently rubbed his thumb over it. He placed his other hand on Sam's cheek staring deeply into his eyes, trying to figure out what was going on in his head. He bit his lip and paused for a second before pulling Sam's face to his. He leaned in and kissed Sam's lips softly. Sam, surprised, but not at all bothered by the contact, kissed back with fervor. After a minute or so Dean pulled back.  


"Sam. This is...are you sure?" Dean asked  


"Dean, I want you." Sam whispered.  


"Thank god," Dean groaned, kissing Sam again and pushing him back onto the bed.  


Dean lifted Sam's shirt up to kiss the exposed skin and ran his tongue over the aforementioned scar. Sam gasped and snaked his hands into Dean's hair. Dean continued his exploration of Sam's skin, slowly pushing the shirt up as he went. When he reached the tattoo they shared he stopped. He gently kissed it, then sat up.  


"Shirt off" he commanded.  


"Well you too." Sam replied after removing his teeshirt.  


"Fair enough". Dean took his shirt off and threw it on the floor. He leaned forward to kiss Sam again, and his necklace dragged against Sam's chest. Sam touched it, and gazed intently at Dean.  


Reading his expression Dean murmured, "Never taking it off again."  


He pulled Sam's face to his and kissed him so deeply Sam thought he might pass out. He felt Dean's erection pressing through his jeans against his leg, and felt himself grow harder.Dean reached a hand down and touched him through the fabric of his sweatpants. It felt so good, Sam thought. If it feels this good still clothed how is it going to feel when he actually touches me? As if responding to his thoughts he felt Dean tugging his pants down. Dean leaned back to admire Sam in his naked glory.  


"God Sammy, you are so beautiful."  


"Stop. Don't be a jerk."  


"I mean it. You are beautiful. Everything about you. Your face. Your abs. This." On his last word he placed a hand on Sam's large cock. Sam jerked at the sudden touch, but Dean took it as ecouragment. He moved down and ran his tongue up the length of Sam's member. He wasn't sure what exactly to do, but he knew he wanted to taste him. Dean tentively sucked the head of Sam's cock and was rewarded with a low moan from his brother. He relaxed and tried to take as much of Sam into his mouth as possible.  


"Dean!" Sam cried out. "You don't need to deep throat me your first time."  


Dean pulled his mouth off Sam and smirked, "Well I'm glad you're not expecting it. I didn't realize you were so well endowed."  


He lowered his mouth again and this time licked at Sam's balls, making sure to give them adequate attention before moving back to his prize. Dean had gone down on a lot of girls before, and always made sure to leave them satisfied, but this was different. This was Sam. His Sammy, and he didn't just want to satisfy him, he wanted to blow his mind, no pun intended. He continued to bob up and down on his shaft and reached his hand up to stroke Sam's sac. Sam groaned and started thrusting a little bit up into Dean's mouth.  


"Oh Dean, that's it. Feels so good." He groaned, "Put a finger in my ass"  


Hearing Sam talk like that almost made him lose it right then. Dean sat up and put one of his fingers to Sam's lips. Sam took the digit into his mouth and sucked on it, never breaking eye contact with his brother, imagining it was his dick instead of his finger. Once Dean was satisfied it was wet enough he slid it gently into Sam's anus. He enjoyed the look of delight on Sam's face for a moment and then sucked his cock back into his mouth. He began thrusting his finger into Sam while continuing what he hoped was the best blowjob he'd ever received. After a few minutes of the double onslaught, he knew Sam was close to his climax.  


"Dean, I'm gonna come. So close!" Sam moaned thrusting upward.  


Dean was a little nervous, but he knew he wanted to swallow Sam's cum, and continued his ministrations until he felt him tense and release a thick stream of liquid into his mouth. He let it linger for a bit, savoring the flavor which was wholly Sam, and then swallowed. He sat up and looked at his brother who was laying back, eyes closed, lips parted in a pant.  


"Dean," Sam gasped, opening his eyes, "That was...incredible"  


"Thanks," Dean said, leaning in to kiss him. Sam sat upright and then flipped himself so he was on top of Dean. He unbuckled Dean's belt and slowly pulled it out, dragging the leather across his torso before throwing it on the floor. Not having had many chances to be in control, he relished the chance to tease Dean a little bit. He pulled Dean's jeans off and went to pull down his briefs but stopped. He had a better idea. He dragged his tongue across the bulge in Dean's underwear, causing him to cry out in a mixture of pleasure and frustration that he still wasn't naked. Sam caressed him through the fabric using his hands and tongue until Dean let out a groan which almost sounded like a growl.  


"Sam, you gotta stop teasing me," he begged. "I need you to really touch me."  


Sam complied with his brother's wishes and finally took off the last of his clothing. Now it was his turn to admire the naked body in front of him. He took in Dean's beautiful green eyes, glazed over with lust, his strong chest, and most importantly, his swollen leaking cock.  


"You're gorgeous Dean," Sam exclaimed while grinding himself onto his lap. "I just want to make sure I make this good for you."  


Dean loved the feel of Sam's skin against his. He loved how hot his brother looked straddling him. He loved the cute little mewing sounds that Sam made when he kissed the spot on his neck right under his ear. He didn't think it was possible to be adorable and so sexy at the same time, but Sam managed to achieve it. Sam reached between them and started jerking Dean's cock.  


"Can't wait to have this inside me," Sam whispered in his ear.  


He didn't think it was possible to get any harder than he was, but at hearing Sam's dirty words Dean felt all the blood in his body rushing to his dick. Sam continued stroking Dean and lowered his mouth onto him. Dean groaned, he couldn't get over how good Sam looked with his lips wrapped around his cock. After a few minutes Sam felt Dean's hands pulling his head up. He looked up at him with confused puppy dog eyes.  


"Was it not good?" He asked.  


"Sammy it was awesome. Too awesome, I'm not going to last much longer." He licked the outside of Sam's ear before murmuring, "I wanna be inside you when I come."  


Sam's dick was at full attention now. He got off the bed and went to his duffel bag, rummaged around and pulled out a bottle of lube. Dean's eyes brightened at seeing the bottle in his hand.  


"Were you planning this?" He questioned.  


"Not planning so much as hoping for it. For a hell of a long time," Sam admitted.  


"Me too," Dean said pulling Sam back down onto the bed. Sam laid back on the bed and handed the bottle to Dean who looked at him with questioning eyes.  


"You sure you don't want to...prep yourself?" He trailed off.  


"I want you to do it." Sam said spreading his legs.  


Dean popped open the lid and poured what he hoped was an adequate amount of lubricant onto them. He had seen gay sex scenes before, so he knew it would take a little bit of effort before he could actually be inside Sam. As much as he wanted to just ram it in and fuck him senseless into the mattress, he knew he couldn't do that. This wasn't some random hookup. This was Sam. His Sammy, and he'd work at opening him up for hours if that's what it took to not hurt him. His slid his first finger in, similar to when he'd been blowing Sam earlier, which seemed to be just fine with his little brother who groaned his approval at the penetration. Sam's hand moved down to his cock before being knocked away by Dean.  


"Uh uh. That's my job. And we're going slow baby boy." Dean curled his finger inside of Sam and felt him buck and then flex back into him.  


"Deeean. It feels so good. Add another finger...?" Sam's statement had an upward inflection as if to ask Dean if it was ok that he needed more.  


"You sure? I don't want to go too fast," Dean asked.  


"If you don't do it I might have to just shove it in there myself" Sam moaned.  


Dean pushed a second finger in and started gently scissoring them inside of Sam, who gasped and started panting his approval. Dean watched the reaction throughout his whole body and inwardly groaned. That is one of the hottest things I have ever seen. At this rate he would come before he was even inside Sam, and that would be unacceptable. Sam began thrusting his hips up towards Dean's hand.  


"That's it. That's good. Fuck yourself on my fingers. Does it feel good Sam? Think how good it's gonna feel when I get my hard cock inside you. Gonna make you moan, scream my name."  


Finally Sam couldn't take it anymore, "Please. Now." He begged.  


Dean smirked, "Please what?"  


If Sam had been capable of making his "bitchface" he would have, but he had to settle for trying to verbalize his frustration. "Fuck me now Dean!"  


Dean removed his fingers and picked up the lube again. He paused, partially out of nervousness, and partially fear of hurting Sam. As if reading his mind, and silently answering his questions, Sam took the bottle from him. He squeezed the lube into his hand and started rubbing it on Dean's dick. Dean moaned, and after a short time stayed Sam's hand.  
"You keep that up and you're never going to get to the main course."  


Sam grinned at him and laid back down. Dean looked down at him, at this beautiful man, his Sammy, and smiled. He dipped his head down to kiss him.  


"I love you." He whispered, holding Sam's gaze.  


Sam reached a hand up and ran it through his brother's hair. "I love you. Forever."  


Dean lifted Sam's long legs and lined his cock up with Sam's hole and slowly pushed it in. Sam let out a hiss, which startled Dean, but the look in his eyes said If you stop now I'll kill you. He continued to push in. After what seemed like an eternity to Sam, he was all the way in. He waited for something else, for Dean to move, but nothing happened.  


"Dean. You need to move."  


"Gimme a minute. You have no idea how good it feels to be inside you baby boy."  


Dean leaned down and kissed Sam's chest before finally beginning to move. He started with slow shallow thrusts trying to find a rhythm. Dean had had his fair share of sex before of course, but everything about this moment was new for him, and he wanted to make sure it was as good for Sam as it was for him. He picked up his pace which seemed to please Sam judging by the whining noises he was now making.  


"Deeean," Sam moaned "I want you deeper." Sam emphasized his point by wrapping his legs around Dean to pull him closer. Dean took that opportunity to lick that spot under Sam's ear before reaching in between them and grabbing Sam's cock. He knew he wasn't going to last much longer, and he'd be damned if he was going to come before Sam finished.  


Dean stroked Sam's length while whispering hot dirty things in his ear, "Come for me Sammy, I'm so close too, but I want to watch you explode. Wanna feel you squeezing my cock with your tight little ass. And it is tight. It feels so good. You like me fucking you? I hope so, because I plan on doing it every day for the rest of my life. Maybe more than once. Fuck you so good you'll beg for it. And make sure everyone knows you're mine." He accentuated his point by crushing his lips to Sam's and giving one more hard thrust into him.  


"Oh god, Dean! Fuck!" Sam came, splattering his load over both of them.  


The sight of Sam's orgasm, combined with the feeling of his asshole clenching on his cock was enough to send Dean over the edge. After a few more thrusts he felt his balls tighten and he let himself go, coming inside of Sam's ass groaning a single word, "SAMMY!".  


Dean collapsed on top of Sam breathing heavily. He rested his head on the side of his neck trying to catch his breath while also planting little kisses on it. Neither brother said anything for a few minutes before Sam spoke up.  


"As much as I like having you on top of me, do you think you could roll over? It's hot and all, but I think I'll have an easier time sleeping if you're next to me rather than inside me."  
"Way to ruin the moment of post-coital bliss." Dean snorted and rolled over.  


Sam curled up against Dean, "I'm not ruining it, I'm making it better." He put his head against Dean's chest and reached out to touch the necklace. Tears sprang to his eyes which did not go unnoticed by his brother.  


"Hey. What's wrong?" Dean asked, alarmed at the reaction.  


"Nothing. Absolutely nothing. This is perfect. I'm just...happy."  


Dean put his arm around Sam and kissed his forehead. "Good. Me too Sammy."  


He could tell Sam exhausted, so he decided cleaning up could wait. He absentmindedly played with Sam's hair and felt himself drifting off too. Then he heard Sam say softly,"Love you De" as he fell asleep, hand still on his amulet.  


"Me too Sammy." He snuggled closer to Sam and fell asleep, fairly confident that he wouldn't have any nightmares tonight. And sure that Sam would not only be there with him the next morning, but every morning after.


End file.
